One of my favorite essays which I incorporate into most of my trainings comes from Charles Swindoll who wrote so strongly about the importance of attitude.
“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life.
Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the
past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than
successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important
than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company, a
church, a home.
“The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the
attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past. We
cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot
change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we
have, and that is our attitude.
“I am convinced that life is 10 percent what happens to me and 90
percent how I react to it. And so it is with you. We are in charge of our
attitudes.”
Believing so strongly in the importance of attitude, I found myself recently in an awkward situation which required that I either “turn the other cheek” and reward the poor attitude and rude actions of another or “stand my ground” and refuse to reward such behavior, even if doing so impedes my goal to sell our shore home. Let me explain.
I believe that all communication is influenced by attitude. If you feel superior, your words, body, and tone will convey that feeling to the listener, unless you are a professional actor. Disguising disdain and a feeling of superiority would challenge most communicators. If you have experienced this lethal cocktail--one part disdain, one part superiority--you will know what I mean. Unfortunately, I met up with this deadly potion just this past weekend.
Sunday we had a real estate agent and her boss come by to appraise our house. Her boss had already done the measuring and write-up; she was there to familiarize herself with the property, e.g., do a walkthrough. My first impression when I met her was “What a pretty young lady!” and I complimented her on her beautiful tan.
That was the last pleasant thought I had about her. As her boss is saying, “This is the kitchen; this is the dining room, etc.” in a playful way, she ignores him and strides straight to the front of the house and says with disgust, “You can’t list this house as beachfront!” alluding to the fact that the beach is very narrow. Perhaps another way to have stated her concern would have been, “Perhaps we should list this as waterfront rather than beachfront.” Good point. I would have agreed.
She turns around and asks her boss in an imperious, demanding tone, “Is this a load-bearing wall--people might want to open this up to a nice-size front room,” implying, of course, that this is a substandard, inferior room. Standing right next to her I handed her the drawings for the house. She looks at them and recognizes that she can’t read them, turns around and heads upstairs.
Her body, her face, and her tone of voice are saying much much more than her words we are hearing.
I’m now beginning to feel as if I’m living in a disgusting hovel of a place, unfit to be placed on the market. Is this a marketing ploy to get me to agree to a low listing price?
Once upstairs, she asks if the hardwood floors run into the bedroom. I tell her I doubt it because the extra thick carpeting is there to cushion the noise for the two bedrooms located directly beneath them. She turns around and asks her boss the exact same question again, as if I hadn’t answered it and as if I weren’t there. I respond again; and once more, as she is attempting to pull up the carpet in the doorway to find out if, indeed, the flooring extends into the bedroom, she asks her boss the same exact question one more time.
Am I invisible? Or am I not worthy to be acknowledged? Or perhaps she thinks I’m not bright enough to understand her questions. Or perhaps, in her opinion, I am beneath her.
Now I’m mad!! I do not want her representing our house. I want her out of my house. My husband comes in, and suddenly she softens and shares pleasantries with him. We sit and she proceeds to tell me of other places for sale on the boardwalk--half the size, older, and rundown, but putting ours along side of them. I want her out of our house!!
Throughout her list of examples, she addresses only my husband at the other end of the table, looking at me only when she was making a negative point about how those overpriced hovels took so long to sell. At this point I had no intention of asking her any questions. I wanted her out of my house!! What have I done to be so unworthy of her respect, but worse, to be spoken to with such disgust?
She has violated everything I believe in and teach about attitude and human relation skills. Should I just let it go so I can get my house on the market and seen by potential buyers? Am I “selling out” by ignoring her behavior? Or should I act on the principles I so believe in? Is my ego offended or do I truly believe in “walking my talk?”
I decided. I was not going to reward her discourteous behavior, pretending it didn’t happen by signing on the dotted line so she can receive a commission as the listing agent when the house sells.
After she was gone, we talked to her boss who is one of our closest friends, agreed with his recommended price and are ready to sign with the stipulation that she is not the listing agent. In fact, I don’t want her name on the sign in front of the house or on any contract I sign. If she sells the house, that’s great and she should get a commission. But why should I help her get the referrals by promoting her name and phone number on a sign in front of my house after she so clearly displayed her disdainful attitude toward me and my house? Should she be rewarded for her rudeness? If she were, it would have been at the expense of my belief system. Attitude and civility do count. Ignore them and they multiple. I can’t do that!
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